Feel free to ridicule me if you haven't already, could use a laugh anyway.

OK!

You're not gonna die soon, or even probably die soon. You chose your ominous username because it could be perceived as a joke while also being a very legitimate possibility for you given your drug problem. A man in your position would only make wise cracks about such a serious issue if they truly wanted to die but couldn't express the desire outside of comedic terms in fear of being committed/making everybody cry.

But wait, there's more bad news. Not only has your whole facade been torn to shreds by my own mastery of that same technique, but I've come to torture you with a long winded tangent confirming your worst fear: surviving. You're gonna have some close calls, some really close calls, but you will make it through all of them, and incur staggering medical bills and feelings of guilt in the process. You will begin to wonder if you have superpowers as your use escalates and escalates but never quite gets you to the big sleep you so desperately crave. And also you suck.

If you read this on the comedown remember you asked for it.