Dear posts-Ms with TBM spouses

My wife went in and out of depression for years, and I never knew the root cause. For a while she didn't either. Then she finally started to realize it was from TSCC. I was about as TBM as they come, so once she decided she needed out, our marriage really began to struggle because there was suddenly this huge unspoken thing between us.

She was scared out of her mind that once she opened up and told me, that I'd up and leave her. I did not, of course, cuz I really truly love her. But it was a serious strain on us and I thought I was going to lose her.

It was difficult for me at first as a spouse, I had those stupid TBM thoughts of 'what if she never comes back, what about the kids, can I continue doing all this on my own without her support', etc. I think an important part of our success was that we took it just a step at a time. We talked about how we could live with her 'inscthce' and me and the kids still active. We agreed on what we'd tell each kid (different ages, etc) so that they'd understand why mommy wasn't coming to church anymore. We adjusted slowly to the change. Luckily my wife was very sensitive to my position still as a TBM.

Then she started taking a class at the Draper SMCC, 'Transitions' they call it, for helping exmos transition out of Mormons. I went with her cuz I wanted to know what they'd be teaching her so I could present the TBM side of things so she wouldn't get confused from all the anti propaganda she'd surely be exposed to.


Well, that brought up a bunch of stuff that I remembered vaguely from when I was growing up in Missouri (KCMO area). Stuff like Adam God theory, and the connection with masonic temple rituals. All these things that I remember hearing about people struggling with, and overhearing my parents saying 'yep, gotta be careful what you investigate it can confuse you and lead you astray'. I heard that around several topics, but at that age i interpreted it as 'right there are some sticky subjects but just rest assured that even mom and dad say there are answers that explain it all, never doubt'.

This was important, cuz as I grew up and went on a mission and investigators mentioned stuff I always felt that I had heard those things before and I didn't even need to research them.

But once my wife was in a class talking about it all, I realized that I didn't really know the real story behind them from the TBM point of view.

Ends up that led me to fair and farm and ultimately to Jeremy's Letter to a CES director pretty quickly, and the rest is history. I'm out too and we're stronger than ever as a couple. :D

Now my biggest stress is trying to find a drink I actually like :p

Sorry so long, just felt like sharing the story.

TL:DR my wife panicked that I'd leave her, but we talked it through, and I ended up following her and we're happier than ever. :D

/r/exmormon Thread