My step father killed himself a couple of years ago and it was incredibly difficult for me. On one hand this man had ruined my life and destroyed my relationship with my family and was the cause of so much of my pain today. On the other, he was in so much pain he took his life and left behind a son and family who love him very much.

It was a complex process and it still is today. I mourned for all the things I never had. All the things I didn't want that were forced upon me. For the fact I didn't have a normal childhood. For the fact that after all these years he can still have power over me and make me feel crippled with depression and anxiety. Even though he wasn't here.

Death is complicated and multilayered. There is no right way to feel or react. Just let yourself go through whatever motions you need to.

I found keeping a diary helped.