The death of a loved one opened my spiritual journey and now I need help!!

Hi friend,

I couldn’t wrap my head to the idea that she was gone and that all those years that we had been together simply had slipped away, and that she ceased to exist.

As violent as it is, those are the facts. We often overlook them. Have you considered your quest as a way of running away from them ?

I want to believe that there is more to this world that meets the eye

Experiences are infinite so in this sense yes there is 'more' but the eye, it stays the same...
If you want to believe that's ok and I can understand that in your situation. But this sub may not be the right place for beliefs... Awakening isn't about creating new beliefs but to remove them. Awakening is also facing the raw truth without embarrassing ourselves with lies (which are the very cause of suffering).

A guy named Goran Backlund ran a blog about awakening and I think his journey was 'kickstarted' through this very confrontation. If you are interested : http://www.uncoveringlife.com/

Maybe after those three month of running you should make a pause, breath a moment and then and ask yourself what it is that you really want ?

/r/awakened Thread