It's been a long, frustrating 5 months. In fact, it's safe to say, the most frustrating time in my entire 53 (now) years.
We are getting divorced. I signed all the paperwork on Tuesday.
First, I would like to say I have not shared/revealed this post to anyone. Anonymity secure, I can be totally honest now. However, I still maintain that everything I have said here is 100% true. I will say to you what I eventually said to my wife. I am done defending myself, you can believe what you want.
I have had time to sort things out and I think I have a good grasp on the situation.
For years I ignored the red flags. Mental Illness runs freely in her family. Suicides, wards of the state all have been a part of her direct family. One of her siblings completely lost it (Don't want to give a specific diagnosis so as to maintain complete anonymity.) and is under state care. I was around for some of this siblings breakdown. Looking back now I see so many similarities its scary.
The day I met her mother was the day we announced our engagement. Her mother was very upset and asked me, "why would you want to marry her she's crazy!" and she was COMPLETELY serious. She said the same thing to my father on our wedding day. This makes me question the sanity of TWO people. I don't understand the motivation of such a statement.
Our family counselor that we have frequented probably 3 times a year(on average) said something at a one on one session with me during our separation that sticks with me. When I told him all that had transpired he stated, "I'm surprised you made it 12 years without this happening before." I'm not sure if he was helping me talk this through or he really believed it. From the look in his eye I suspect the latter.
Someone here on Reddit suggested that maybe she was after my money in the divorce and honestly at that point I didn't know (I was very confused). Turns out our settlement is fair. She is getting a slight advantage but I'm OK with that. I still love her, worry about her and want her to be OK.
I toyed with the idea of sending her a link to this post but after reading it over I know it would just cause her pain and she has enough of that.
Facerook failed!