Hey I'm going to be completely honest as I can.. I have Psychotic Depression with Schizophrenia traits and its hard for me to associate with a lot of things.. How I feel about my SO? I look at her as a positive step towards me getting better in the bigger picture. The depression, when we're together, does essentially numb me but it's the effort, because I love her, that sets apart me being lifeless from me engaging. When I engage I get flickers of positive feelings that I know are real. That I hold onto for dear life. Because you more than anyone know how easily our minds can turn posivity into the most negative thing ever. I do want to fee happiness when I'm with my SO and sometimes I do when in healthy (e.g. Meds, eating well, exercise, ect..) but when I'm not its a different story... I would care if they left me, because it would affirm that I can't connect with anyone even if they mesh with me..

I feel like this is the answer you may be looking for: It's ok to feel numb when you know you should be feeling something. It's ok to feel nothing when love is being pushed toward you. For us, it's normal.. Something we HAVE to work to correct..