Depression robs us all of so much, including our ability to see ourselves clearly. But I think those goals you have for yourself are/were super interesting! Don’t let it take those from you. Go buy your paintings. Even if you can’t afford a masterpiece - go to the op shop and find something interesting. Hang it on your wall. Go to the museum - I went on my own once and I prefer it tbh! You can take your time to appreciate it. Buy your bottle of wine. Put on some nice music and enjoy your own company. Better yet, get some paint and a canvas and make your own art!

You’re not dumb. The human brain is malleable and you are capable of more than you give yourself credit for. Please don’t give up on yourself. I know how numbing it can be when you’re in the grasp of depression. I’ve been in and out of it my whole life and have had suicidal ideation since I was 9 years old. People with mental illness are strong - including you! You have to be strong to go to war with your own mind every day and carry on with life when even the smallest things feel monumental.

If you’re struggling to focus when you read, I find following the words with a ruler or my finger helps me. Maybe start off small with some poetry and work your way up. Even doing puzzles can give your brain a bit of a work out.

Also, you can have meaningful relationships while medicated. Don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise. If it weren’t for medication I wouldn’t be in a relationship at all because I probably wouldn’t be here. Don’t give up on finding your person/people just because some haven’t seen your worth. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of the life you envisioned for yourself.

Take care! I’m rooting for you :)