I definitely used to feel this way when I was younger.

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I think it came from a weird cross of insecurity and pride. Like if I wasn't the coolest or smartest person in the room, then I didn't deserve to be there. But I also wanted to be the best because I wanted to prove to myself that I was right to think I was the coolest or smartest.

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As I've gotten older, I've realized I don't need to be the best to be allowed a seat at the table. Obviously, pushing yourself to be your best can be a good thing if it's coming from a healthy place of having a particular goal you want to achieve. But allowing yourself to be boring, not just to other people but to yourself, can be very liberating and instill a true confidence. Setting up rituals for your daily life is difficult but there's a reason people do it; it makes you feel happier and healthier. I like my life a lot more now than I did when I was changing everything up all the time.

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It's all about balance. Find what makes you feel like yourself and stick with it. You can always change if you get tired of it later, but there is no need to change just for the sake of appearances.