** detailed feedback on clarity badly needed **

Okay, I'll start with the first paragraph. I'll also go ahead and show you how fixed punctuation and grammar can clear up meaning.

First, your title. It's too long and I have no idea what you're trying to convey. Something like "Using Design Tools More Effectively," or whatever you're trying to teach the reader, goes a long way towards setting up expectations about the material you're going to present.

Next:

One of the most key general goals is

This is your opening line. There is no introduction, no setup, simply diving into a topic that hasn't been defined. Goals towards what?

There are billions of examples.

Again, examples of what? Goals? X? Efficiency?

It's impractical to list them all, but I'm sure that you understand.

This states the obvious and unneeded.

like Say HQ is more eco-friendly than the average corporate HQ. This can be measured via science and tech.

Proper formatting and verbiage creates a sense that you, as the writer, are speaking with authority and are able to lay out your points in easy to understand bullet points. Also, take a moment to explain this example. It's not self-evident how science and tech relates back to being eco-friendly.

or if a filtering mechanism is, itself, additionally adding value such as knowledge or joy during the process as in https://www.reddit.com/r/userexperience/comments/5x2n0d/this_site_is_taking_the_edge_off_rant_mode_by/

This is too jumbled for me to make sense of. Don't link to reddit posts. They can be edited, removed, or deleted. Copy and paste the comment itself, and be sure to add your own commentary on top of it.

This isn't even scratching the surface of why this is confusing, but I hope it's more helpful than nothing.

/r/writers Thread Parent