Hello I am a 22 year old male for as far as i can remember i have been a rather social person not to say I am popular. But friends with the majority of my school and people that i have met after leaving school, I went through a rather messy break up after a 3 year relationship. From there about 4 failed relationships (basically being over invested in a relationship before it gets started and having it fail before it get started.) and some pretty close family loses and months of job failures resulted in me feeling pretty numb. I went through about a year of clinical depression during this time. Since then i have been some what numb i guess you would call it an in habitability to feel general emotions. Over the past 3 years it has been progressively more distinguished. I generally feel numb I guess you could characterize it as a meh feeling nothing really excites me i still laugh and have funny moments but they are usually short lived, "like i am numb i watch something funny i laugh pretty hard and then its over." and i calm down and go back to being numb. My most experienced emotion is usually anger or frustration. It is not a new thing but i watch a lot of TV Shows mainly crime dramas and Doc's "i enjoy thinking" Trying to workout the story line before it happens.
Fantasy: Fantasy has become a large portion of my life, my TV shows have developed into an obsession if I'm not watching them i am reminiscing about them or thinking about my own criminal actions. Do not Judge!!!!. but i think "in detail" about rape, murder, extortion, power, world domination "the last one is usually in context to a house of cards theme. The manipulation of other to extend your own power.(hostile take overs)"
Sex: I have always been a sexual person my last 2 relationships have been dominated by sex and trying to meet my needs. For the past 2 years I have been single and since then I have been on average masturbating anywhere between 2 - 5 times a day.
Drugs and Alcohol & compulsive habits: An obvious compulsive habit would be my sexual activity but that is nothing new. But since I was about 15 drinking have been a key social skill to have being at parties i am 22 now and since then i have picked up quite an ability to drink such as being able to drink an entire 5th of bourbon (700ml) and still be antithetical. I am actually writing this after a bottle of Wild Turkey. but that is not relevant.
But yes simply put I have a weakness for alcohol, Opioids (after breaking a leg from being drunk) mainly Oxy and Codeine. and food fast food chips and oven junk food (pizza, sausage rolls, etc.).
The Effects of Drugs And Alcohol. I guess basically you could say I am a glutenous person i enjoy ingesting things that make me feel good. Food is obviously One of them I enjoy Eating food that I enjoy regardless of the calorie content evolved.
but to drugs and alcohol i could devote a whole paragraph to this topic so.
Going back to my former point of enjoying TV shows, Alcohol helps me enjoy these shows more it helps me to enter the mind of the main characters and become more invested in the actions of the character. As far as drugs are concerned I am a very internal person (and it may seem strange but) I think a lot. I have conversation with myself a lot. most time multiple conversations at once so i enjoy taking Opioids as i find it slows my brain i can lay in bed and not think. and just enjoy a TV show.
Since leaving school I have become more and more socially awkward to the point that i a despise social interactions. I can not converse with small talk and I find it extremely hard to make friends. I can go months without talking to or see my friends. Sometime I begin to develop a disdain for leaving the house and only leave when it is truly necessary.
But i guess in my main question for this post is what have i become you can decide...............................................