My dad died when i was 4. Cancer. Mom remarried when I was 6. One of the first things he told me, but not my 2 sisters, was as soon as was feasable I would be sent away to boarding school. I was 6.

I lived with that reminder and fear. He frequently gave me emotional whiplash for no reason. Very harsh and very very demeaning to me. But not my 2 sisters and new 1/2 sister. I was finally sent away to boarding school at 14 and I was so glad to get out of that house. I was lonely and did not thrive. But it was better than being at home.

He was killed in an accident when I was 17.

I sought counseling from a paster and came away with the feeling it was my fault. That God hated me, which is why I was not allowed to have a dad. Being fatherless is an embareasing and demeaning thing in itself. I was convinced I was such a horrible excuse of a human that God chose me to punish me over and over.