This is something my SO and I struggle with. We also have young children, so finding time in itself is a hard enough struggle. Beyond that, no one in my personal life understands it. The few people I've felt close enough to to discuss it have a hard time getting why I can't tell him to just deal with it if I don't want to put out.

It took me a while to understand his desire and I sometimes still struggle with frustration at the feeling of obligation that comes with his needing sex more than I feel like I can provide. But we recently made some changes, after one of the most heated arguments we'd had in a long time. I think we're at the best place we've ever been right now thanks to back rubs. I wasn't enjoying our sex life. It was stressful and feeling obligated reach his high drive made the whole thing lose its value. Now, he gives me back rubs, which I really enjoy especially since I have lower back pain, and it is so much easier to reciprocate his needs/desires. Also, we value oral maintenance and I highly recommend utilizing the many alternatives to straight-up P-in-V. We both feel taken care of and we both enjoy being able to please one another. It's actually brought us a lot closer.

This would be my suggestion. Try to identify a way that he can help you distress or get in the mood, whether it's just taking on an unrelated stress in your life, like housework, or something intimate like a back rub/foot rub, etc. View it as a way you both can take care of each other. There are many nights that I am tired and I don't really care for a back rub, but he'll give me one and I just feel so much better afterwards and much more comfortable being there for him. I know it sounds silly, but it's been monumental for us. GL!