We each wrote our vows but together, meaning that we both made the same promises but in our own words.

I'm the one who suggested it because to me, vows are absolutely not a love letter or a mere expression of love or of my intentions to be a good wife. They aren't fluff. They were romantic, to be sure (our officiant loved them, he was super touched when he heard them), but they weren't there to be romantic. They are promises that are the foundation of our marriage, commitments that I'm dead serious about honoring, guiding principles that I intend to read back and reflect on in times of need. And they are mutual. I would seriously expect my husband to divorce me if I failed to live by them. So to me, it was important for us to reflect, discuss, and agree on them with my husband.

My husband was more like you and reluctant about the idea at first but after I explained my reasoning and how I imagined it going down, he was on board and he was glad we did afterwards. It lead to some of the most constructive discussions around our wedding and marriage and made our vows all the more meaningful.

With that said, I'm fully aware that it can be a bit intense and unconventional. It's not for everyone and other people have a different view on what vows are and that's great as well. My sister and my BIL wrote theirs separately; she wrote romantic vows (best love letter I've ever heard, I was tearing up and I don't do that easily) and he wrote funny ones (definitively got some laughs and his love was shining throughout). The difference in tone or length wasn't an issue whatsoever. It was them, each vow really captured each of their personality and their relationship. It was perfect.