Why did you stop going to church?

I was already away at college, and had basically stopped going, but my Dad’s death made the feelings of distaste for the church become fury towards God instead. Then I was forced to attend an AA meeting that was more like a religious gathering when I got alcohol poisoning in college and woke up in the hospital (for the 2nd time). The administration said I had to attend at least once. There was no one there I could relate to. Everyone was fervently religious and 30-50 years older than me. My issues were really social anxiety and intense grief over my dad’s death, which fundamentally changed my relationship/perspective of a higher power forever. I was NOT in a good place with God. I despised Him at that time and for years afterward. That particular AA group made it all about handing over the reins of your life to God and Jesus, saying it was because I was helpless and too weak on my own.

I was livid, crying out of pure fury and frustration the entire meeting. No one reacted. I had to stay through all the talk about God, parrot what everyone else said, and say my piece (involuntarily explain to a room of strange older women why I was crying and relive the trauma of waking to more strangers cutting my clothes off in the hospital). They blamed alcohol for all my woes. Like alcohol somehow time-traveled and took my father after making him suffer for years despite his faith.

After the meeting ended I tried to leave (to have what I now know was a panic attack in peace) and they surrounded me, put their hands on me, and tried to take me somewhere with them instead. They said if I didn’t believe in God I could at least believe in a “Group Of Drunks” (ie G.O.D.). Like, no, I don’t know you. I didn’t even choose to be here. I finally managed to get away and literally ran back to my dorm.

I’m sure AA and the trusting in God approach works for some people, and maybe it was just that particular group, but for me it was 100x more traumatic than the aftermath of the alcohol poisoning itself. It solidified my decision to leave organized religion behind after my dad’s passing. My relationship with alcohol is also just fine these days, but I’m clearly still bitter about religion.

/r/AskReddit Thread