Damn, maybe it's wrong, but I feel good knowing that someone has similar problems to me. My depression started in high school. I had everything, I was pretty smart, had a lot of friends, girls liked me, had money - everything what teenager would want, right? Some people started to bully me, I wasn't a person that liked to fight. It stopped, but created some weird things in my head. Couple others similar things happen'd. I lost my self-confidence. It was worse and worse every day. I acted like everything is fine. I endured to 2nd class, but I started to skip classes. I ignored most of my friends, was staying home all the time. Everyone was laughing that I'm "dead". I visited a doctor, she said that i need to visit a psychiatrist. I was with my mother and told her that this should stay between us, but after we arrived home, she called already three people and told them what is wrong with me. I was mad. Couple days after it I was kicked from my school and my girlfriend broke up with me. My world fell apart. It was New Year, I stayed home. I locked myself in my room, was drinking, smoking weed and crying all night knowing that my life is shit, my girlfriend that I love is having fun with someone else right now. I wanted to kill myself, wanted to swallow whole box of pills, but I chickened out. Those three(?) months of my life were the worst. I was taking a shower like once a week, I was a mess. Psychiatrist came to my house, gave me some pills, I think it helped a little, I started to take care of myself - I mean I started taking showers, I cut hear etc. But i still didn't leave my house. After year of it I contacted my old friends, we met in my house. From time to time I was leaving my house with them - but only when was dark outside. I lost contact with them after another year and it took two years to talk with them again. So yeah, this is where I am, really short version of what really happen'd with me. Now i feel neutral, i feel like i have no emotions, but it quick changes when I'm talking with someone about my problems. I don't know what is going to happen. I have some plans, but they are plans. PS. sorry for my english :)