1 see a psychiatrist. That shit helps.

2 though see a psychologist, and one who specializes in difficult cases. From your description of symptoms I know your likely diagnoses (I'm not going to label you, I just know which ones they're likely to use# and pills aren't going to be enough and there will be times on the pills when you will want to stop taking them because you feel like they're 'not doing anything' even though that's not really true it will feel true in the moment.

3 A supportive partner can help you stay compliant with both #1 and #2… you're going to want to stop therapy, too. A 'supportive partner' doesn't mean someone who will put up with your shit for a while in exchange for a hole to stick his dick. I suggest finding someone 5-10 years older than yourself and also who has really figured his/her shit out but hasn't had a perfect life, either. Be honest with them, because to some extent you're using them and they'll know that but it's ok because you will end up loving them for all they do to help you get through the bad times.