Difference between genuine versus manipulative feelings/emotions expressed by others - your experiences, thoughts etc?

Hey, you're pretty significantly off-base here. I didn't reply to your first comment a similar reason, but will reply to a bit of what you wrote just to give you a taste of what I mean:

This also seems off to me: " crucial for my own well-being, and I think for hers as well."

I'm going to be as gentle but as frank as I can be: You don't actually know what is best for her well being.

So we had a discussion tonight. Part of the discussion was about moving in relation to each other in a way that feels clean and clear and isn't reactive. Because I am me, I know for sure that this kind of movement is crucial for my own well-being.

I am not her and we are very different in some ways. That we are very different while retaining some underlying convergence and similarity is something we each and both know and have extensively discussed in various ways over many years.

She has both verbally expressed and provided action-specific indicators, from the discussion and various other aspects of our interactions over time, that it is also, for different reasons, crucial for her well-being as well.

However: I don't know for sure.

The "I think" that you quoted indicated a lack of certainty on my part, due to me not directly double or triple checking with her on this specific point. It was not a statement of reality, and it is not something I would even suggest as a "I think" kind of maybe without multiple pieces of verbal communication from her suggesting it is true.

Further, it is not something I would assert as true for her, or as true in a way I can understand, without actually checking in with her very direcly on this specific point to see if I am understanding.

And even if I do check in in that way, chances are that significant components of what it means to her are quite different than what it means to me. But there is, I think, some point of convergence where things begin to feel clean and clear to both and each of us. And historically, in terms of how this connection has evolved, that space is a healthy space, wherever it leads.


The rest of your comment seems to rest heavily on you not understanding the above dynamic.


I find it really interesting that your comment is in response to an update from me that describes actual movement toward a healthy resolution for the two of us who are involved in real life in this situation, especially since I didn't engage your first attempt to be part of this discussion.


And yes, we are in some significant ways far closer and more intimate than many friends are. That's just the nature and lived reality of this particular friendship, both historically and otherwise. It's really really unusual in some ways in this regard, and we are each and both well aware of the challenges of that part of it. Part of the challenge, and the need to have things shaking out over time, has to do with that.


You're really misreading the situation here, at a pretty basic level. Which is understandable, it's reddit, and you have extremely limited information. And I didn't ask you or anyone here for that level of input for a reason. What I was seeking was very precisely this:

I'm wondering what concepts, skills, perspectives, etc you might have come across that help name and stay clear about different types of expressed emotions, and how to handle them in a healthy way.

And I received that and am really grateful for that. Note that I didn't ask for advice on what I should do. I didn't ask for perspectives on what people here see about a limited, one-sided tiny description of one element of a friendship they know almost nothing about as it presents irl.

There are reasons I asked for what I asked for, as I asked for it. There are pretty strong limits to what reddit internet people can do and provide in situations like this.


So far, it appears to me that after my initial request was met and the resources were usefully provided in a way that in real life, confirmed by both people involved, helped me carry out my side of the responsibility for having this move toward a healthy resolution at this moment (which - yay!), at this point you have taken it on yourself to play a role that I neither asked for nor desire. I didn't reply to your first comment because it was clear to me you don't get it. But you're back, oddly during a moment when there has been a real movement toward health in the actual real life situation under discussion (and yes, we both feel that way, directly discussed and understood by us both in real ways).

Please back off.I didn't respond to your first comment in this thread. There's a reason for that. You aren't one of the real people who are navigating this very real actual life situation. Your information is severely limited. You are taking it on yourself to play a role I didn't ask for. In so doing, taking your perspective in would move this real life situation away from the healthy trajectory begun and described in the update.

/r/LifeAfterNarcissism Thread Parent