I was thinking about this too. Just now was thinking how dying is no big deal, happens every day, is inevitable. If I was 80 years old and wanted to kill myself everyone would say that's ok but because apparently I have years ahead (which isn't even guaranteed) I should hold on. Stupid. The best years of my life have gone. I am irreversibly damaged. My life was lived opposite to how I wanted it to be. I had the youth, looks, health and intelligence to do many things once but I destroyed all those chances by doing stuff I didn't enjoy because I was discouraged. It's laughable how much bad luck I have had in my life. The family and the people I've been surrounded by fucked me up. Why couldn't there have been at least one wise person in my life who could advise me to do what I want, now I know that's the most important bit of life advise. Now I have regret, bad memories, constant reminders of fucked up opportunities, bad health, I'm not a youth anymore, I've lost my looks. There is no amount of money that could fix those things, they are unfixable. Everyday I am tortured by this reality. Even yesterday I was back to begging a man in the sky that I know doesn't exist to either kill me or take me back to where my life was fixable. I tell myself everyday that maybe there are many realities and I'm just a shitty one and there's another where another me fulfil my dreams as if that's a comfort. Today I wake up and everything is still the same. Before everyday felt like a gift and now every day is a prison. Why did I wake up? It would have been better not to. Why is it still 2016? Why can't I go back in time? Or disappear.
Sorry, this turned into a rant.
I appreciate you mentioning the topic of suicide here. I wanted to before but I have a bad habit of posting things which aren't always related to AN so didn't. But it was nice to be able to talk about in this sub.