I have a new hesitation after talking about this thread with my wife. We’ve been together for 15 years but in the first 5 years I was unfaithful to her and it led to us being separated. We worked it out and have been together for the past 10 years.

I asked her how she was with the rules, etc because when she gets revved up sometimes she does things she hadn’t intended to beforehand. I asked how she’d do if I asked to pump the brakes because I wasn’t comfortable and she said that she wasn’t sure if she was having a good time. She said because if our past, I basically “owe her” and she wouldn’t feel guilty about breaking the rules if In the moment she wanted to.

Needless to say, this has given me some trepidation and I feel much more communicating is needed.