i've been sitting on this for a while

so about 2 week ago i was swiping on tinder early in the morning as i am wont to do and i got a message from this girl

she messaged me p much immediately which set off spambot alarm bells but whatever, as those of you who were at the austin meetup last year will tell you, i am the king of ignoring red flags

anyway i sent a couple messages and she was all "i'm bored" which i interpreted as "i'm horny" so as a person who is constantly both of those things i was like "aight let's get breakfast"

we agreed on a place and she was all "btw i can't drive can you pick me up" and i was ok with that whatever

she sent me an address in the middle of the third ward which should have been my sign but i ain't scared of the ghetto so idgaf. i mapped the place, thought it was weird that google maps thought it was a community center bc obviously why would this girl give me the address for a rec center, and we exchanged numbers and i got on my way

i only mention the exchanging numbers because by the time i got to the place she wanted me to pick her up she had already unmatched me on tinder. but undeterred by this fact, i sat in the middle of the sketchiest hood in houston and sent her the customary "i'm outside text"

and then she gets in my car

and she was wearing two baggy hoodies on top of each other and looked nothing like her pictures and it suddenly dawned on me

oh shit

we're in the middle of the third ward

"community center" doesn't mean "rec center", it means "homeless shelter"

anyway i was like "whatever homeless people are people too beggars can't be choosers this could still potentially be an ok date"

SPOILER ALERT: IT WAS NOT

she was silent almost the entire car ride -- i tried to make some casual conversation, but she was clearly having none of it. girl was literally laying on the table taking selfies and/or watching youtube and/or sleeping the ENTIRE TIME

she didn't say a word to me and ofc i paid like the pushover i am

but on the drive home, she asked me to smoke her out, and then hit me up for money (i gave her neither)

and then when i got home i was absentmindedly swiping through tinder and i matched her AGAIN, this time with entirely new pics that still looked nothing like her, and i have since matched with her twice more bc she is apparently a master of disguise

so tl;dr that's the story of how i got grazed on by a homeless girl