I was madly in love with someone and put in so much more time and effort into subtly chasing him for longer than I want to admit. He represented everything I had ever longed for in a man; mentally, spiritually, physically. I was convinced that we were soulmates. Finally, after ages of competing for him with the other ladies around me, I "won."
He changed immediately. He went from patient, charming, considerate and attentive to condescending, controlling, lazy and nigh emotionally abusive after about 3 months after we started messing around. Because I was naive, I took it all to heart. I genuinely believed that I was the stupid, insane girl he called me. Every fight ended with him telling me that it was over and me crying. He would never allow for compromise or middle ground. Eventually he would tell me that he didn't mean it and try to buy me something to make up for it, and I would tell him that it wasn't necessary. My mom used the same tactic and it wouldn't work on me. Lucky for him I was so desperately blinded by my love for him that I would always forgive him and blame myself.
Eventually through dating him I became so ashamed of myself that I developed a phobia of expressing myself - something that I still struggle with. Everything I said to him was either ignored, mocked or would start another argument so I finally shut down completely and pretty much was too afraid to ever speak unless spoken to. I stopped writing and posting on social outlets as well. My Facebook has been long deleted. I didn't feel worthy of being acknowledged by anyone.
Finally it happened: he found a girl that he liked better and dropped me immediately. I lost it. Fell into a depression so severe that I couldn't function without some sort of self medicating for months. My ex had practiced kung fu so I began taking kung fu classes to have a shared interest with him while we were together. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, but I told my Sifu that I needed a break. I didn't intend on going back.
I learned that my ex hadn't been faithful to me and I felt like I had failed him. I tried to give him my virginity during our relationship, but wasn't able to (physical problem, maybe too tmi to put out here - more his inability than mine) and I felt constantly guilty that I couldn't give him and experience that intimate bond and wasn't surprised that he cheated several times.
Not knowing what to do with myself, I went back to kung fu. Turned out to be the best decision I've made in a long, long, long time. I didn't talk about it, I cut off all contact with my ex, only spent time with supportive and good influences and poured all of my effort and energy into class, and what I was learning there. I applied every lesson, philosophical and physical into my daily life. I stopped doping myself up and started working out. I practiced mindfulness. I meditated. I was not always successful, but I was determined to learn. I began to feel the changes in myself and was eager to see more of what I could become, now that I was no longer held back by him.
The pain lessened but he gave me a scar that isn't going to heal any time soon. It's been 9 months and I still think about him nearly every day despite my efforts. Sometimes I miss him and sometimes I hate him, but it's mostly both. I realized that it was what he represented and who I thought he was that I loved, not him personally. But it is difficult to rationalize heartache away, especially after blaming yourself for losing the person you had been completely devoted to for so long.
Love is dangerous. I've rejected every offer of a date given to me since he dumped me. At first it was because I compared everyone to him and still cared too much for him to love another. And then it faded to pure cynicism. But the more time went on and the more I practiced kung fu, the more I learned about myself. The more skilled I became, the more confident I began to feel about liking myself. I am still learning to love myself, but I'm not so worried about it anymore. I realized that the more we care for ourselves (physically, emotionally, spiritually), the better our lives become by proxy. I realized that just doing the right thing made me feel better and made things go my way more often. I live with gratitude.
Never let the warmth love die out as a passion; keep the fire burning in practice by loving yourself, loving what you do and loving your life. You have all of the tools that you need, you just need to kindle that spark. Self-discovery is a catharsis more relieving than comfort ever could be.
Tl;dr I got dumped by an abusive prick and took up martial arts, which lead me to learning how to love myself, be content single, appreciate platonic relationships more and work to better myself as a human being. Sometimes being dumped is a bigger blessing in disguise than we know at the time.
Also as I said, fear of talking about it. I might delete this comment. But I'm glad you found support here. I believe in you.