Along with everyone else's wonderful advice, are you able to see a therapist? If you live in the US, your health insurance might not cover behavioral health, but there are therapists and counsellors that do "sliding scale" payments based on your income.

Either way, please don't be ashamed to seek professional help. This is a horrible, tragic, painful, and traumatic thing you're going through: you lost your baby boy in a simple, everyday procedure. There's no shame in finding someone to talk to and help you through this tough time.

In addition, maybe you could commission one of those plush replicas of him. Do you have a couple of good photos you could send in? It might help to be able to hold him and talk to him even though he's not there.

I'm so sorry for your loss.