[Discussion] Need Motivational Advice?

I am really pushed to my edge folks..

I am 26, I managed to fight my way out of depression, got through therapy due to my abusive parents. I went from homeless living with friends to a nice apartment and good programming job. But now I want to become self employed because I realize this is not what I want in life. I have been in a LDR for 3 years with an amazing girl and we have helped each other through a lot of difficult times. She suffered from crippling anxiety and panic attacks and a lot of other things. I lost myself and now I think I am losing her because instead of focusing on my dreams I feel I "settled" and became clingy because I wanted her to fill the gaps. I have not heard from her in a week while she is travelling with her brother and she is thinking about if she should end it... It makes me completely unmotivated. Its so hard to work two jobs at once and every day when I try to work I freeze up and am unable to do anything :( I can only think of how I am not going to be able to enjoy life without this amazing girl I wanted to marry. I know I have the talent to become self employed. Hell, 60 people applied for the job and I got hired and more have tried getting a similar position where I live but all got fired after a month. But nothing works now that I feel my life is falling apart. All I want is to earn enough through my full stack app / game / web development to become self sufficient. I know how to do it, I dont fool myself and I just want to crank out a bunch of work. But every setback makes me feel like giving up and frankly, even contemplate suicide... I just want to have this "just do it" attitude, but I seem unable to push myself further, I am about to completely break down...

/r/GetMotivated Thread