But have you told your therapist in session, while youre dissociating, "hey, I'm starting to dissociate"?

Have you told your therapist in a following session, "hey last session when you/I said this thing..I was dissociated during or right after that"?

No therapist can help you work on grounding if they dont know when youre dissociating. Theyre trained to work with emotions and behavior patterns but theyre not mind readers. Some arent even that naturally empathetic/emotionally attuned to read people well. You gotta let them see your patterns as YOU notice them happening. Once they realize you dissociate during certain times, they'll know your subtle shifts and expressions, and might be able to catch it during other times and act accordingly.

If i dissociate, and I catch it, I interrupt my therapist and tell him, "I cant focus on your words because my mind is drifting away. You sound far away." He will ask me what I feel then. Usually I'll say scared, angry, alone or like his comment didnt really understand what I was saying and that can make me feel abandoned. And thats when I start dissociating. Hes amazing but sometimes he fails to switch fast enough between analyzing my words or being empathetic to them. When he or I catch it though, he switches faster now and apologizes for being "too analytical and not sympathizing with me" if I expected understanding, or if I wanted practical help, he will apologize for not realizing I was expecting a real answer instead of sympathy.

Sometimes my therapist will stop me and say something like, "what you're saying is important and I want to talk about it but I think its important to have your prefrontal cortex engaged right now. I feel like your amygdala or your anterior cingulate gyrate is hijacking the conversation and youre shutting down. Am I correct about that? How about some grounding exercises? We can do some breathing exercises for a few mins and then continue where we left off." (I like when he points out the different parts of my brain and hes gotten familiar enough to sometimes recognize my subtle shifts even though my affect is still pretty flat.)

This used to happen more often but we have a better read on each other now and it rarely happens. When we miss the mark with each other we're better at catching ourselves without the other correcting or speaking too much on it now. And when we do have to acknowledge we missed each other's points or intentions, Im not so defensive or upset about it now. And hes not so overly careful anymore now that he knows me better, hes not so afraid of saying or doing the "wrong" thing.

You gotta be selfish in therapy. It goes against our instincts as abuse survivors, I know. But when you're in therapy, you're supposed to be lovingly and gently emotionally dissected. When youre in the room, your whole vibe should be "me, me, me..pay attention to me, heres what I notice I do and when I do it. Figure me out so you can help me figure myself out. The better we get to know me, the better I can be more aware of myself and decide how I want to behave or feel in the future. The better you figure me out, the better you can tell me how to undo my dysfunctions or work through certain aspects of my development with good self care." Eventually you wont have to practice self care or need their advice on how to care for yourself because you will know yourself! You will know who you are, what you want, what you cant tolerate, and what makes you feel better. You will be capable.

If youve never told your therapist when youre dissociating as its happening, then dont switch to another one yet. This is obviously something you need to work through. Its not going to stop happening. There is no "perfect fit" right from the start. Its a relationship that has to be worked at, except youre the focus of the relationship. Its not the therapists. Its you. Its your coping mechanism. Its going to keep happening unless you let a smart and empathetic therapist help you work through it. Everyone is different, especially abuse survivors in how they want to be cared for. Tell your therapist how to care for you. They'll be proud of you for expressing yourself. (If theyre offended, thats a good sign to get a new one though. Good therapists WANT to know what you need to feel comfortable and safe and heard.)

<3