Divorcing a good person

This is very relatable. In my case, we've been together for 4 years and married for barely 2 with no kids. Got married cos we felt it was the right Christian thing to do plus he is a good man, all other things considered. Problem is, we are hardly ever able to resolve conflicts and since we got married it seems like we've moved from one issue to the next, without really making much progress.

There are definitely happy days but there are also many more times when I'm overwhelmed with immense sadness over something he has done wrong but refused to acknowledge or apologize for. It's so bad he can go days without speaking to me (even after he has done something I find annoying) knowing fully well that unresolved conflict aggravates my anxiety.

To give an example of a typical situation with us, about 2 weeks ago he used the toilet and did not properly flush. I find that very irritating and I've repeatedly told him about this. In the past, I'd clean it up but on that particular morning, I refused to. Told him to clean the toilet himself as I wanted to pee but he refused, got angry, and walked out. After about 5 hours, he cleans the toilet and refused to speak to me the entire day. The next day I asked him for our flight details so I could request a refund as the flights had been canceled due to COVID-19. He gave them to me and I put in the request for a refund. He saw the email notification and got pissed at me for putting in the request for a refund without first discussing it with him. I was VERY surprised at his annoyance because first, I didn't think that was something we needed to discuss (seeing as the flights had been cancelled and we had previously talked about the refund) and secondly, he was literally not speaking to me since the day before.

The whole thing turned into an argument & he left the house. Did not speak to me for another 3 days when i broke the silence and asked that we talk. We got to a partial resolution, I apologised for not telling him about the flight and he did not speak to me until 2 days later when he sent a message apologising and reaffirming his love for me.

This is a very typical scenario that has happened a lot in both our relationship and marriage. At first, it used to be silent treatment for a few hours or a day but now it's progressing into days and almost a week even.

The whole thing is really frustrating for me (yes, I have repeatedly talked about how much I hate the silent treatment) but it doesn't seem to ever stop.

/r/Divorce Thread