ER doctor here.
1) I know you've been waiting a long time, so has everyone else. I have no control over that, please take it up with the hospital administration.
2) Don't come to the emergency department for a cold. You're an adult, you've had colds before, they get better in about a week no matter what you do. I don't have any magic cure, just suck it up like the rest of us.
3) For every 10 minutes I spend talking to and examining you, I spend 30 on the computer placing orders, reviewing your history, going over test results, writing notes, and clicking a billion required checkboxes. These are all necessary parts of your care, even though it looks like I'm just sitting there.
4) 20-35 year old men, this is is specifically for you. STOP GETTING DRUNK AND TRYING TO RIDE YOUR MOTORCYCLES. I'm the one who has to call your wife/parents at 2am and explain that we did everything we could but the injuries were just too severe and you bled to death in front of me. That's the worst thing I have had to do in my life, so knock it the fuck off.
5) I love my job and if you end up in my ER I will do everything in my power to help you, no matter how much of a jackass I think you are personally.