Yeah but I think it comes from my sexual abuse. Also I'm never attracted to men my own age, only guys 40+. Which is prob bc I got molested by adult men when I was little (no I didn't enjoy it, but my brain seeks out to repeat the trauma in a way I have control over it). There is a link between abuse and arousal. Many women who were abused end up aroused by abuse because our brains are addicted to the chemicals that are released during abuse and feel uncomfortable if we no longer have it. It's really stupid but that's how it is. Takes a long time to heal from and yes I still struggle w those fantasies. Also men who actually get off on humiliating/beating women are fucked up IRL.