Thanks for your reply.

I also used to act dumb so that people would not get high expectations of me or to hide how embarrassed I would felt by asking for clarification. In the last few years though I have felt a "I just don't give a crap" attitude seep in - meaning I'll ask for clarification anyway. I think this is because I started to realise that acting dumb just hurts me inside, like I've let myself down and damaged my own self-esteem. I think people respect you more (those that matter anyway) if you are honest and truly act yourself.

I know - why can't I give myself this advice given what I've said? Well, I'm getting better at it. Sometimes it takes a post like this to affirm it to myself.

One thing I've tried to do a few times is "feel the fear and do it anyway" and I urge you to do the same for those other job openings. You ARE capable. You don't want to look back with regret, that would be the worst thing. In my job we've moved the culture to a "fail-fast" culture. You take a shot, if it doesn't work out then that's fine, lets examine what went wrong, analyze it and fix it. In little steps.

One poisonous thinking mode I fall in to sometimes is thinking everyone is competent and having a perfect life except me. Like you said, it may seem that people understand things but inside you cannot tell if they are pretending and "saying the right things". I'm falling into that trap less so these days as I'm older and wiser. But you don't get success by not failing. Successful people have LOTS of failures under their belt. They are formed like pearls, polished by years of rough edges like failures. They learn and grow wiser through failures so there is actually a big virtue in failing often - as long as you don't take it to heart and learn from your mistakes.

Sorry if that was a bit rambling. I'll try and not be afraid to ask as per your advice. I like to try and achieve change through habits so if I start doing that step-by-step then I'll eventually not think twice about it. It becomes automatic.