I am incredibly lonely, too. I use to binge drink away my life with my friends for days/weeks on end.

Eventually that stopped and now the gang has split. I learned a valuable lesson from that - drinking buddies are different than real friends. A bond through drinking is different than bonding over drinks.

I also got really focused on myself and my priorities. I don't feel like I have time to dick around with people unless I want to fail and lose everything. However... That's been my philosophy for everything that could be deemed a "time eater". Yet... Ive been binge-watching netflix shows for a few weeks instead of studying my CDL book or anything else that could help my future. My house is mess... After some inflection I find the epiphany: Holy fuck I am depressed and my life is shit

In the end , does it matter? People tend to dislike me anyway. I must be ugly or something.