I don't know if anybody really ever has their personal life totally together. People who seem like they do usually are only one little breeze away from their house of cards falling down all around them (I speak from experience. Thought I had my shit together for so long but boy was there some...stuff lurking in the background. I'm pretty sure everybody has something lurking somewhere in the background).

My problem is that I can't figure out what kind of relationship I want. I like having a steady NSA relationship because I really, really hate sleeping with a lot of different people (no judgement for those who do though, just not my preference) and I feel safer STI wise, plus you get to learn about each other and make the sex better every time. And I need sex. However, that starts to feel empty when I realize I don't care about the person or want anything else from them and they feel the same way.

But I also can't handle it when a potential romantic partner wants to take up my time with things that don't involve sex. Like wanting to have conversations and going out to dinner on a night when I have so much work to do. It all feels so demanding.

The people I have gone out on dates with the idea that they would be more than NSA just wanted too much real shit from me, if that makes sense. But I'm don't think I can do the emptiness of a NSA relationship much longer either. I'm pretty sure my current NSA is done but I don't know if I have it in me to find another one. Nor do I feel like I have it in me to find a real partner either. But...I fucking need sex. That's my biggest problem with dating right now and it fucking sucks because really, my biggest problem is me.