Weird, I came here with the intention of asking the very same thing, and there your post was right at the top of the sub.
Been dealing with this for a while now, at least I think I have, it's kinda like it's been so long since I've felt anything that I can't recall the last time I did, I don't know really what it feels like anymore, it's kinda like trying to remember a certain smell but can't remember it, you remember how to reacted, what you said, but can't remember if that feeling was actually there or not.
I didn't even really notice until recently, I got phone call that my brother killed himself, I just "okay" the to my mom over the phone, hung up and just sorta sat there staring into my computer screen. Then I started questioning myself, why the fuck am I not crying? Why am I not feeling sad, any normal decent human being woukd be crying buckets right now after losing one of thier siblings at a young age, but I didn't. I stood up, and went to bed, without saying or doing anything.
When I flew home I felt so awkward, everyone was expecting me to be sad, so I had to sorta put on an act that I was. I then started to question if I was really this shitty of a person, I was lying and pretending to be sad after my brother died, wtf is wrong with me. I busied myself with handling the arrangements for my grieving parents, it was easy for me, I landed the funeral home, even built little Memorial boxes with my brothers old stuff he likes so my parents could have a temporary grieving site, but honestly I just felt comfortable that I was able to build something in the garage, away from all the emotional people and thier feeling.
Other people have said It'll hit me later, and a year and a half later I still feel nothing, like I've always had.
Me and my family have gone on vacations, my kids look to me for support, and I just don't feel anything. my job is a blur, same thing every day, I try and be as busy and mobile as possible to avoid people's conversations. I feel vulnerable when people talk to me, I feel like they are often looking right into my eyes and can tell I don't find them funny, interesting or exciting, which I don't, some of them corner me and engage in lengthy one sided conversations, and all I want to do is escape, thier overwhelmingly boring stories don't interest me at all.
I don't even know why this happened, and that's what bothers me the most recently, why the fuck am I like this? I wonder wtf my kids will think of me when they get old enough to notice this about me. My wife already had voiced her anger at it, and it's completely destroyed our marriage, but honestly I couldn't care less, it amazes me how long she has stuck around, it must be like she's married to a rock or something.