The only thing preventing me from attempting again is that I don't want my son to be left behind, having to deal with the fact that I couldn't handle life anymore. I try not to think about it too much, but sometimes I get scared about the future. When he's an adult and out on his own, what then?

I want to be a good parent. Every day, that's my goal. If I screw up, I apologize. But deep down, I think I'm a shitty person and I don't know how or why my marriage has lasted as long as it has. With the exception of a few people (I can count them on one hand), nobody talks to me or invites me to go anywhere. I think I'm a burden and that I have no real value. I'm pretty sure that if I did kill myself, some people might be relieved that they don't have to deal with me anymore. Not my son, though. I know he would miss me.