Hey so I just signed up to Reddit purely to reply to this because I am currently dealing with something so similar and could really do with getting it out there to likeminded people. I've been with my SO for almost a year now - she's great and we've had a good relationship, with only really two hiccups / arguments. In most terms its been pretty smooth sailing. She however has long term medical issues (Type 1 Diabetes) which radically affect her moods on occasion, and also have understandably left her somewhat medically anxious. As well as this she needed intrusive surgery in May, so for at least half of our relationship we've been under a fair amount of undue stress - which has obviously put a strain on us both individually and collectively. I've always been there for her during her down times - travelling an hour or so each way to her house once a week around my studies, taking her out etc to try and take her mind off things. I had a pretty close (and young and sudden) family bereavement around the time of her operation, and kinda suppressed how down I felt about the whole thing and hid it from her because I wanted to be as strong for her through her shitty times that I could. In short - the relationship has been great, but the year has been tough.

All of this is kind of background info - now she is (as far as I'm aware, and asides from the long term issues) better and healed, which of course is great news. However, in the past two months my anxieties have been running wild. She has recently anyway become a lot less affectionate in her text messages, and seems somewhat distant - like she's pushing me away all of a sudden. I've always been someone that has struggled with anxieties (a year ago a lost a lot of weight in a short period because I was convinced people thought I was fat when really I was a healthy enough weight for my height, and a year before that in my first university year I hardly socialised because I was quite frankly terrified of what people thought of me.) Being with her had made this drift away, and I felt like I'd become a better person for it. Recently it's kicked off again, and every time I don't hear from her, or she seems in a down mood I immediately get extremely anxious, to the point where it makes me feel physically sick, and often end up breaking down to myself of an evening because I don't know whether she is truly in a mood with me or if it's my continually increasing intrusive thoughts creeping in. One issue is - that she is not nearly as affectionate a person as I am, and in fact has in the past told me that she doesn't like it when I get too 'intense'. This is of course fine - I have no issues with her being that way BUT it now makes me absolutely terrified to tell her of what anxious thoughts I have going through my head, for fear of just being called 'intense', 'crazy', 'psycho'... I'm sure you all know the score. I often have a habit of minimising any concerns I have about my own mental wellbeing, because due to her own health issues I think "meh, she deals with much worse, why should she or anyone in fact care that I deal with this?". But truth is, over the last couple of months it's become kind of unbearable and I don't know how to bring it up with her because I'm terrified of what she might say. She's got enough of her own problems, and I can't see her being able to deal with mine too. I guess that while she's been ill I've found it increasingly hard to be so strong for her (which without getting too big-headed, I think I was), when I don't really feel that mentally strong for myself. It's been a really tough balance and right now I think the stress of the whole situation is catching up with me and my anxieties over what she thinks of me / wants from me / whether she cares about me etc etc seem to be chasing me every single day. It's proving kinda tough right now. I haven't seen her for a month whilst being back home with family and away on holiday, and we haven't spoken a huge deal more than standard "how was your day" patter. I'm hopefully seeing her in a couple of weeks, and hope to see how she acts and whether it IS that she is genuinely being distant, or whether it's just me. If it's just me, then I know that I need to talk to her for the sake of our relationship but also for my own piece of mind really - but have no idea how to.

Sorry for the unbelievably long post - if so much as one person read and could relate then I suppose that would be enough for me - really this is just an exercise in speaking how I feel having read so many posts that I can totally relate to.