First, no I don't feel bad. I experienced feeling different or ostracized (and I am not being dramatic here, i am actually extremely lucky when it comes to being pressured), and I am facing a possibility of ending a relationship incredibly strong and important to me. I dealt with people who had shit responses and I can't identify with the majority of human race on this issue.

But you know what would be worse to me than this, than even million times the crap I got for this? Having kids. I don't even want to want them because it wouldn't change the reality of having them, and I would have to be someone else completely to be able to bear it - and even then the me now sees a wasted life. If I wanted them, my desires would lead me into misery. I am lucky I have no such desires because I dont want children on both rational and irrational level. And I feel the identity of childfree people as something stronger.

Having said that, I was just thinking about it today. This is one thing where no empathy, no imagination can help me with - understanding why anyone wants kids. Pretty weird when it puts you at such odds with majority. There are many things that aren't true for me but where I can understand where another is coming from and find a way to at least to some extent relate something that brings out similar thoughts in me. I can't here. This desire to me is a mystery. I am looking at something that quite blatantly looks like my worst nightmare, and everyone waiting in line to live it.

I don't want to stand in that line, I am happy as hell that I understood myself from early on and got to be strong in this view, but I am puzzled by this complete disconnect. Like we are different species.