Your last paragraph is what fuels my distaste for Raf. One of my former friends/semi-partners had an emotionally abusive childhood in which he felt unwanted, and I had a childhood in which my dad left me after always favoring my older sister. He literally left with my sister for her sake and didn't contact me for many years because he "forgot." My mom hated life and was always screaming at us. I was bullied incessantly, assaulted several times, etc. Nevertheless, the dude I knew grew up to be a weak, manipulative, dishonest, jealous, debillitatingly insecure person who tried to pressure me sexually after I underwent trauma and then acted like the victim when I called him out on it. And I came out from everything--much, much more than he ever experienced--strong as fuck, with a huge heaping of empathy and maturity. So I have no respect for someone who deals with their past in this way.