Let's forget about production limitations and focus mainly on story and perspective. I'll label the shots and explain why they don't work for me, shot by shot.
Shot 1... POV of guy. The setting is not established. The 'Heroine' is not established. The antagonist is not established. POV shots are generally used to create some mystery and suspense. However, since this is your opening shot, it just creates confusion.
Shot 2... I see the window again. And a back of a head. And a room. Why do I see the back of her head? Who is this story about? So far, I think the story is about the window. A window would would be a great hero... for a commercial for Wally's Windows and Siding LLC.
Shot 3... This is the first shot that sort of makes sense to the story. A creeper walks by, looks in at the Back of the Head, and creeps away. Luckily, our hero, the window, saved Back of the Head by providing a barrier. Technical notes would be to avoid medium wide shots, try better framing, and you could cut a good 10 frames in that entrance. Personal notes, never decorate your apartment with Christmas lights unless there is an evergreen inside.
Shot 4... Ahhh, there's good ol' back-of-the-head again! But this time she looks at... nothing. Just our Hero, the Window. Missed opportunity here showing both BackOfTheHead and Prepube Creeper together in the same shot. The only thing this shot accomplishes is that I now see half of the profile of the woman's face. Not a full profile, but hey... beggars can't be choosers. Also, our Hero (the window) has been in every shot. So if this is indeed a story about a Window, then you are nailing it.
Shot 5... Wow, we see BackofHead is a lovely lady! Wow, look at that beutiful face, I could just stare at it forever, and forget about asking myself why there is a dart board in the kitchen... but wait, where did BackOfHerHead's lovely face go just now? OUT OF THE FRAME WHEN SHE STOOD UP.
Shot 6.... BackOfHead returns with her back to us. We learn that our hero Window is also a sliding door. We also learn that the best way to avoid PrePube Creepers is to unlock your WindowHeroDoor, open your WindowHerodoor, and then look with fear 90 degrees in the wrong direction of where PrePube creeper went. Oh also, where did you get that Hydrogen lamp that literally contains the Sun's power in your apartment?
Shot 7... We never really got a good look at BackOfHead's face at all. Now, we have an ultra close of her. The camera angle is just enough off to be annoying, the reflection on the window is just enough to be annoying, and the burning fire of SunLamp to her other side is also just enough to be annoying. Not only are you flipping the camera 360 degrees, but we're going from the widest shot yet to the closest shot. That's jarring, and it feels sloppily thought out. I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of miss her back of her head, as I (your audience) was getting used to that as it was established.
Shot 8.... Reverse effect I don't have any beef with this, although I wish it was a 'Kill myself with antibiotic allergy' effect. That would actually be interesting compared to this. Sidnote... the dialouge is not just annoying me at this point. You come off as sounding like some expert but you clearly are not. I would change the tone of the script of a 'asking questions along with audience' rather than 'telling the audience something I know.' Explore with us, don't tell us... unless you are indeed a pro. Which you are clearly not.
Those are my thoughts. The easiest way to fix cinematography is to try to have the goal of every still frame of your footage to be a quality photograph. The easiest way to fix how you tell your story is to keep telling stories and ask questions like you are now.
Shot 1... ultra wide establishing shot, door central, night. Lighitng shows girl inside on laptop, everything else is dark.,
Shot 2... Interior room shot, still wide. WE SEE HER FACE. We hear a noise, so does she, and she reacts.
Shot 3... POV of her, we barely see PostPube creeper sporting a goatee and a face tatttoo walk past her window, carrying a dead iguana. It's hard to make out, and sure as hell scary.
Shot 4.... We go back to the interior wide shot we had in shot 2, showing her face... she turns off the lights and puts the blinds down, which is a bit hard to do without standing right in front of the window, which she is trying to avoid.
Shot 5.... All this excitement really got her hot-n-ready! We follow her hand with a camera pan, as it slowly goes down towards her moistening inner thigh...
That's how I'd do it, but hey, what do I know... I just make porn in a state that is illegal to not wear a condom in.