Does this sound right to you? Top surgery and T with next to no counseling, and only a few months after identifying as trans

Hey! I felt I should chime in after reading a lot of somewhat hateful comments... I'm sorry about that! It's hard for some people not to take things personally, which due to their circumstances I can understand... But I do commend you for coming here to get advice.

First of all, depending on what type of doctor your family member saw, it is totally possible that a diagnosis was given. Also, if suicide was on the table, they may have believed that delaying would only compound the situation. Which is true. If their well-being depends on this, then absolutely starting hormones ASAP should be the ultimate concern.

Second, surgery. Now, even if your family member got a referral letter, there are NO doctors anywhere that don't have waiting lists, so it's not like that's being set up for tomorrow or even next week. At best, it'll be a couple of months.

Third, the flip-flop. As a trans person, I've heard of all kinds of reactions to "coming out". Maybe your family member was feeling pressure from another to not be trans. Disowning, forcing them to live on their own when they're not ready, belittling, ridicule, all of these things can "force" someone to recant. Doesn't mean they're not trans, they may just be feeling insecure due to reactions.

Fourth, testosterone. Some changes happen fast but most take a while to engrain themselves. A lot are reversible, at the limit even top surgery is... If taking hormones removes the desire to kill themselves due to not being perceived as the gender they are, then I'd be ecstatic that it's going so quickly/smoothly. That being said, I'd be surprised to find a doctor that takes prescribing this lightly. I've heard of a lot of "gatekeepers", as in medical professionals that say they're going to prescribe it but never do. They're in it for the money (each consult is paid for), and quite frankly, I think some of them believe trans is curable and probably gay too...

Overall, while you're allowed to have doubts, don't believe for a second that recanting makes that person not trans. Hell, I used to lie to my parents all the time just to get them off my back. Maybe they thought that is what you wanted to hear....

I'd advise maybe having a sit down with them, but also remembering that they are an adult now and can ultimately do what they want with THEIR life. Please, offer them support. Put your worries aside and just tell them that you love them just the way they are and will be by their side through everything. Be an ear, but a non-judgmental one. Be accepting that being trans isn't easy and most of us go back and forth for a while before being finally convinced that yes, we are indeed trans.

Being a young adult is hard enough without having family doubting you at every turn. And personally, I'd rather have a happy son than a suicidal daughter.

Cheers! And good on ya for asking your questions, even if some gave you grief for pronouns. ;)

/r/ftm Thread