My family dog died over 5 years back. It was hard for me to finally accept that giving him a humane death was better than letting nature take its course, but at the time it felt like my parents were monsters for giving up "so easily".

In retrospect, I understand I was the selfish one, the cowardly one, because I helped them carry him to the car, but I couldn't bring myself to accompany my family to the place where he would ultimately die.

And I swore up and down that I would never own another dog ever again. But the fact is, I miss the love I felt cuddling with him, and I miss the f feeling of happiness I felt, in reaction to the feeling I hope he felt when I was in the room.

And I don't think of him as much anymore, but when I do I miss him as much as I did that first day I was half asleep and didn't feel his footsteps walking into my parents' room. I love him as much as I did when he first entered my life. And I feel as sad as I did when he left it. I love you Dost. I'm just sorry because I know I never expressed it.

But I'm glad I can feel this way about anything, because lately I feel like I've started feeling nothing. And thinking about you makes me feel like I'm still capable of being human, because lately I haven't felt the slightest bit human.