Your mom has treated you terribly! I'm so sorry you had to suffer through such awful things. Don't worry about having perfect grammar just worry about getting things out!

They have given you nicknames, huh? People kicking you when you're down. That's terrible. You need people who will help to lift you up. They hospitalized you the second time you had a breakdown. Did they offer you any kind of therapy? I think you should seek out therapy because after having the childhood you've had getting somebody to tell you the things you needed to hear growing up like "You aren't too stupid to think for yourself. You think all the time," and "Any sane person would choose to risk being 'a little bitch' if it meant they had the chance to escape from a terrible place."

The hole underneath you can be filled. You need to fill it. Give yourself a purpose in life and take steps to get there. If you can't think of a purpose just ask yourself what you want. Even if what you want doesn't make you super excited at first, go for it anyway, you have to try different things out and see what works for you.

I wish you the best of luck!