i don’t want to be “strong” anymore

that I just want to leave and have a fresh start but I know it’ll hurt him and that discourages me too

No you will not

he is understanding and he knows and has even agreed that I have given up so much for him

Men are clueless when it comes to situation like this.They just want to know solution and that's it. At least your man is understanding.

Please,do get into therapy.Hug your man and thanks him.Man like to be called hero.You can ask him for massaging you to relax.He will be proud if you say,"It is getting hard but I do want you to be my hero (or whatever you say).

You are married,try to work.In today's world,it is hard finding partner.

/r/SuicideWatch Thread Parent