I'll just have to shelve dating for a while then. I can't seem to justify it to myself for paid dating sites as a good investment of time or money. I just can't see many people in their 20's who don't want kids being on them.

as for socializing, I'm not one for talking in part because I have a stutter, I'm autistic, and I have adhd... Anyone can imagine how unpleasant some people have been in the past. I've grown to accept that. While I'd be lying, if I said I didn't have insecurities about talking to people, I also just don't have much interest in people.

I've had friends and partners in the past, and honestly I never got much out of friendships. they felt more like chores to do rather than anything beneficial. Having a partner seemed more like having actual benefits to the relationship rather than monotony. while there was work and effort put in, I felt as though I could self-disclose without instant retaliation or shaming.

So, I'm probably just gonna ignore wanting to date because I'd rather focus my time elsewhere than the fruitless endeavor of improving skills neither therapy nor speech pathologists have been able to help with.