I don't know

Thankyou, there's relief in finally putting it out there and being heard. I told someone about it not long ago and they said it was over and to just not think about it. Tbh I'd done a good job of not thinking about it and then all the Me Too stuff happened and my first thought was I wasn't a part of that and then my brain kinda went 'Well, actually'. We ended two years ago and it's only slowly over time that I've started to consider maybe I wasn't horrible maybe he was abusive. We were together for ten years and now I still sometimes struggle to stay there during sex instead of floating away. He would aggressively make fun of the way I turned away during sex and complain it made him feel bad. But I hated to be touched by him so much and sex was such an invasion that I endured. But there were times that he was nice and I wanted sex it was just so over shadowed for years by hating his touch most of the time. Sometimes it hurt and I was so afraid of him.

/r/rape Thread Parent