I used to have pretty bad depression. Really bad. I remember this one day just getting on the floor in the middle of work and laying there for hours. I looked up at the ceiling and people passed by me without saying anything. I was just there on the floor hating the world and the people around me and especially myself. It was a really attractive feeling. I can understand what they're saying in this video - "we're depressed, you just don't get it." But I do, completely. Hating yourself is the best fucking feeling in the world. Things don't work out for you because you're you, because you're an inherent failure, because of whatever reason you've contrived to make you hate yourself even more. You don't have to work to make yourself feel better because you're trash and you don't deserve it.

Two things helped me. For work, I occasionally have to travel and talk to about 1,000 people a day. At first I was awkward and bad at it, but I eventually became pretty charming. I was never bad with people, but being forced to come out of my shell and just talk at people changed me. After a while I stopped giving a shit how I came off and just goofed off and had fun. I'd make a real ass of myself and the ironic part is when I did that, people enjoyed it more and had more fun. When I threw away my inhibitions, I realized that I was way more fun without them and that it didn't really matter what people thought of me.

I also started lifting. Self worth comes from a place of success. When I was able hit personal bests or make my weekly goals, I internalized it as success. One small success snowballed into a dozen little successes into a huge, heaping pile of them. To be honest, I was fairly successful before, but it wasn't the kind of tangible, visible success you get when you see your body change or walk out of the gym all sweaty after an hour of lifting. My confidence came from knowing that I was just able to do it.

So yeah, I totally get the attraction of what they're saying in this video. I get broadcasting your self loathing through ironic detachment. It feels great. It's easy. You don't have to do anything and you get to portray yourself as a victim. And it's pretty fucking repugnant.