I don't care if it makes me a bad mom

I'm a lot like you when it comes to "spoiling" my son. I grew up dirt poor so I lean towards overcompensating for that when I buy stuff for my son. But, that said, the kiddo is appreciative, doesn't take things for granted, and takes good care of his things. And any time he acts entitled, spoiled, unappreciative, or doesn't take good care of his possessions, the verbal smackdown and consequences are hard and swift. That said, he's a sweet, gracious, appreciative kid 99.999% of the time.

Things that I think let me get away with "spoiling" my kid with out spoiling my kid...

  • If I buy him a toy it is usually a surprise. I was shopping, saw it, thought he'd like it and brought it home for him. Or we make a special trip to buy a toy as a reward. I rarely buy a toy for him when we are shopping together (for other stuff) and he outright asks for it. I may get it later, on another trip, or as a birthday or Christmas gift or something but I rarely just buy him something when he asks for it.

  • He gets a small allowance and can earn extra money helping his grandparents with chores. So if he really wants something he can save up for it or work for it. And with most of his frivolous requests that is absolutely what I tell him to do.

  • Santa makes it fucking rain toys at my house. My son can ask me for a tablet (or any other expensive thing) and I'll probably laugh at him. But the kid knows that he can wait patiently and ask Santa for a tablet and Santa will hook him up. His birthday is similar. I don't usually buy him big stuff just because, but if he can maintain interest and patiently wait until Christmas or his birthday, he'll get it.

  • I make a big fuss about spring and fall cleaning and we go through his stuff when we do the rest of the house and get rid of anything outgrown or unused and donate it or hand-me-down it. We've taken him along and several times he's gotten to meet the kids his toys are being passed on to and see how happy they are. So he knows that even if he no longer wants a toy, some other kid does and that it is important to take good care of his things so that someone else can enjoy it when he no longer needs it.

  • I've started talking to him about money a little bit. "Yes, technically, we have enough money to buy an Xbox One but we still aren't going to buy one because I'd rather save that money than spend it. Do you know how much it cost when my car broke down? When the air conditioner broke and we had to replace it? When the cat got sick and had to go to the vet? Well we didn't have to worry a lot about those things because we had savings. And I would much rather play our old Xbox and have air conditioning and a healthy, happy cat and a running car." So he knows we can't have everything but, if we plan well, we can have the things that are important to us.

So, really, I don't think being spoiled is about the stuff a kid has as much as the attitude the kid has. And as long as you work on shaping your kid's attitude, they aren't likely to be spoiled. It sounds to me like your kiddo is fine. And I don't see a problem with rewarding a day of hard work and good behavior.

/r/breakingmom Thread