Right, I suspected exactly that (hence posting here) and I spent a good chunk of my education studying depression and mental health so I don't really doubt that. But it's completely different experiencing it first-hand.

I know he knows about depression having gone through it himself at the end of his teenage years/early twenties, maybe still? I'm not sure. But I think it's just hard because I know the change in my disposition is drastically different on some days. He said something like "I don't know why you're not happy with me anymore" and that's definitely not the case! And I told him so. I just sat at my desk crying and saying that I feel like I'm losing my mind and he was just quietly supporting me. I've mentioned feeling depressed and unmotivated to him and he knows that I experience seasonal depression. He's like my rock but I feel guilty for relying on him so much. And I know he's getting irritated with my overly clingy behaviours lately, but I can't stop pestering him because I feel the most sane when he's holding me. And I'm getting annoyed with myself and feeling selfish.

We also just moved to an apartment that makes it hard for me to see my old friends. And to add to that I feel like those friendships aren't very strong anymore. My birthday this past week went largely ignored so I think that may have triggered this depressive episode. But like, ugh, I don't know how to make new friends. The thought of putting myself out there is kind of terrifying right now. And I know physical activity helps but finding the strength to motivate myself to go to the gym is just so difficult these past few weeks. I just don't know where to start with helping myself.