She's not doing these things because, if she has ADHD, that's how it works. It impacts her from being able to process these concepts and learn to mitigate the issues for the future. It also sounds like she has some Rejection Sensitivity, which is very common for ND (neurodiverse) people. It turns into a huge argument because their brains love to medicate with conflict.

Can you work on getting your license? I have to say, I'm impressed she's the driver in the family. And kudos to her being able to work full-time. Just those basic things we take for granted as neurotypical people are a mountain that she climbs everyday. I know it's hard emotional work, but you're probably going to piss her off a bit if you step up and try to take over these logistics issues. Try your very best not to argue with her. If she starts, tell her you're not arguing. Make everything about safety and well-being. https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/analysis-paralysis-and-adhd-trouble-making-decisions/