run in the morning, meditate 10 minutes + 10 minutes visualization

through the day trying to be gentle to myself, releasing negative thoguhts, embracing the feeling of contentment (since that's what i'd feel if i was living in the end). trying to embrace peace, happiness, not thinking about worries etc.

if something bad happens i try to "revise" it so it never happened or the opposite happened.

if i'm having a difficult moment i will do positive affirmations or just close my eyes and try to meditate to feel better in each moment

then at night i run again, do another 10 minutes mediation + 10 minute visualization of a scene showing i completed my goal

it doesn't change anything. at all. thats why i feel so horrible. becuase i dont feel in control of my life. it's terrifying to be honest.