I don't know if I should stay or go, and I've been in this holding pattern for too long.

It isn't your place to decide which truths are and are not helpful for him to know. You owe him the truth so he can make informed decisions about his life. You took the coward's way out when you started having affairs, and you're taking the coward's way out now by hiding the truth.

If you don't want to be with the man because he's a shitty husband, fine. File for divorce and start living separate lives. It'll be a mess, but that's what happens when two lives that become intertwined due to finances and kids become separate again. You just don't seem to realize that an even worse mess is the one you make by subjecting your kids to a dysfunctional marriage characterized by neglect on one side and infidelity on the other.

/r/SurvivingMyInfidelity Thread Parent