I don't think I'll ever get over you.

Only the pain of going without you outstrips the pain of feeling rejected by you. I tried, I really did. I immersed myself in other things and other people for a whole month and a half without contacting you. And you didn't contact me that whole time. But eventually the pain overwhelmed me, and I gave in. And you responded. And you responded fairly regularly. And I was ok for a little while.

But then it started to peter off again. Like before, your responses got short and you stopped initiating. I understand that people get busy... But you've admitted yourself that you don't have much to do yet in your new home. You have a lot of time where you could spare some for me more than once every two weeks. Is that overstepping? Is that feeling entitled? It feel like it, and makes me feel awful whenever I throw out a line and hope you bite. But again, it's nothing compared to the pain of going without.

Finally, I brought the issue up. Communication is key for any relationship, right? So what could it hurt? Well, it almost ruined what little we had at that point.

I felt like I should be completely honest with you. So I brought up how I started feeling suicidal, in addition to the depression you already knew about, after you yelled at me that one time. But I regret that honesty, because you promised to talk to me more. What's even worse is the fact that you have basically done the opposite since then. So in addition to feeling tremendously guilty and manipulative when we do talk, I'm also disappointed and even more rejected than before.

That is, I was. Until today, when we saw each other again. Except, not really.

I felt it again. I don't know if it's just the fact that you're socially awkward, or if all this time you really didn't want to be around me, despite your insistence to the contrary. But I felt it. That old, familiar feeling. Like you wanted to leave through the whole interaction. Your demeanor was pleasant, you were speaking deeply and meaningfully. You were smiling at me. There were no outward signs to support the feeling. But it was there, just like when we spent time together before. Just like whenever you would distance yourself from me in texts with the term "bro" or "dude" or "man". Maybe I've been delusional this whole time. But I definitely felt it. I felt it when you saw me. When we hugged. When we took those last pictures together. When you said goodbye. I felt it. And it crushed me at my core.

/r/offmychest Thread