I don't think I've ever been more infuriated by someone's face.

i've never heard of OCED but i have OCD and i guess they sound kinda similar. well, the compulsive part at least.

recognizing that i had OCD and that i was hurting myself was really damn hard. once i'd gotten past that, i still had tons of problems with motivation and self-hate, so i still wasn't getting anywhere.

one thing that helped a lot was sitting down with my psychiatrist and drawing up a huge bubble diagram of how i think. it probably sounds childish and stupid but it put things into perspective and made things a lot more manageable.

there was a bubble for my obsessions or worries, one for how i resolve those worries, one for how that resolve is harmful and another for how we planned on fixing it. we kept branching those bubbles off into smaller and smaller ones until we'd covered every possible aspect of how my problems worked.

it was stressful and i had to be really strict with myself but it helped a lot. mostly with setting reasonable goals and pacing myself. maybe you should do something similar? like, sit down with somebody, get a huge ass piece of paper and analyze every aspect of how you use food to cope; when you feel like doing it, what you do, how it's harmful and how you could change it, stuff like that.

it also made it a lot harder to go back on my word or second guess things. i couldn't go "i'll only do X for a little while. i'm really stressed out, i can't help it" because i always had the paper to look back to. i could say to myself "no, don't be stupid. we talked about this, you promised that you'd do this instead" and it worked. it was basically like talking to my past, non-panicked self.

it might sound silly and you've probably heard something like that before, but you have a lot of resources and support, yet you aren't getting anywhere, so... i just thought i'd share. it couldn't hurt to give it a go if you haven't already.

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